I share my story, because I found freedom from a painful past. I have a message of hope as a gift for you.
I was born out of wedlock to a teenage mother. Who because of her lifestyle, partied a lot, subsequently leaving me vulnerable prey to anyone. I was burned with cigarettes and molested by the age of 2. As a toddler, I was left alone while my mom was over dosed. I had been forced into closets and left there because I was not good for a pimp/drug dealer’s business. I was lied to about who my real father was, and was raised by a man whom I called Dad. He had a drinking and drug addiction also, and was extremely violent at times, and other times was loving. It was so unpredictable. Our lives were often threatened, and it wasn’t long before I started to envision killing him. I was raised in a Catholic upbringing, and I believed in an angry God who was in control of my life, who knew my thoughts, and could send me to hell. I feared God, and this is what kept me from committing suicide, and murder. Sure, from the outside we looked like a normal family, summer camping vacations, church etc., even to extended family members, what went on at home was kept secret. It seemed no one noticed me, or cared. There were times when I didn’t even have a friend or a single person I could trust.
R is for…
I was violently raped, at age 16 by a boy at school, and this soon turned to an attempted gang rape; which I barely escaped. I was found to have Cystic Fibrosis, and was told I may only live till 21. My life seemed to be ending before it began. But 3 years later I was tested again and it was discovered to be not as life threatening. I was raped again at age 18, and have had several attempted gang rapings all which I barely escaped. Also, when I was 18, I was in a car accident where I died, had an outer body experience where I saw myself, and came back to life 3 days later, with severer brain damage, which went untreated. I could no longer work, or continue school. My dreams were destroyed. I was reduced to speak with my hands, making up words, with broken english. And also, temporarily suffered from short term amnesia. At 22, I was attempted rape by a landlord and found out later he had been video taping me while I was in the shower. I escaped a total of 8 gang raping from age16-22. I also had an abortion, which destroyed in me the last decency of care for myself. My life was nothing but a downward spiral, and I lost all hope. I became extremely afraid of the dark, turned away from God, had anxiety, post traumatic stress, attempted suicid, insomniac, manic depressive, eating disorders, mutilation, drug and heavy alcoholic use. I had turned to selling my body to earn a living as I felt this was my only option and was my apparent asset. I believed the motto: “can’t beat ’em, join ’em.” My life was worthless. I became full of rage and anger. I had a relationship, which I trampled on and distrusted. My goal was to push his limits, to prove he was just like all the rest, but instead, he was always patient, forgiving, kind and loving, and I was too angry and self-destructive to reciprocate his love. I pushed the limits to extreme not caring about the law. Until my late 20’s when I just couldn’t live the life style I was living anymore. So tired of feeling empty.
We decided to have a child, and totally detoxed from drug and alcohol use. I stopped working in the sex industry, and we were blessed with a baby boy. Winter came and times were very hard, we were forced to move back to BC. My husband made a career change, and I was at home with a baby, feeling isolated, thinking about going back to the lifestyle I left. but also searching for meaning, and truth. We had tried many religions, which felt peaceful but never answered the bigger questions I had. We thought about Jesus the man, but the world gave us little information about Him. Our journey was fading…
until 2 weeks later a guy at my husbands work invited him to church. We said yes right away, mainly out of boredom, we never even asked what church it was. At the time we were living 6 blocks away from Calvary Worship Centre. We were amazed, and felt like truth existed there! But my sinfulness would have convinced me to never return if it weren’t for the guy who invited us telling us his testimony. I knew right away, these people would be able to accept me and where I had come from. Immediately we attended every sunday, received our first Bible which I read with such a hunger. It was in reading Luke, that I felt like my eyes were opened and I believed Jesus is the Saviour, and son of God sent to forgive us of our sins.
We went through Deliverance, and then 7 days consecutively I had heat in my womb area. On the 7th day God spoke to me saying “I wanted you to know I was healing you.” I shared this testimony at church, and it was professed about me, that I was made virgin again, and 6 women stepped forward to receive healing. We purged our home and lives of anything detestable to God, and were baptised and renewed our marriage vows. I have forgiven everyone from my past (with the Lord’s strength), and most of the relationships with members of my family including my biological Father, Dad, and Mother have been renewed! We have since been blessed with 2 more children! I have seen Jesus twice as light, another time in the flesh with eyes that burned with the Spirit, and another time with His hand on my shoulder along with an angel on my other shoulder. God spoke many things to me, among them was what He purposed my life to be with specific instructions. I began speaking at the Union Gospel Mission, and have such a desire to live for Jesus, and such compassion to help others experience freedom from addiction, abuse, etc.. After I shared my testimony at our home group recently, God revealed to me 3 revelations about my past that instantly set me free and completely healed me emotionally. Now, I knew I was ready to start helping women. 2 weeks later I was asked to speak my testimony at our church, later that day I was asked to help with this women’s group (for the sexually abused). Now that I am free from dwelling on past hurts, I feel I can more clearly hear Gods voice. I have more joy, and feel such a fullness and courage, strengthening, purpose and hope. And with seeing the power of God so strongly transforming me, it has strengthened my faith. I can truly say I have been made new. By the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony, the devil has been defeated!
All the Glory goes to God. Jesus is alive and loves you!
“In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind.” John 1:4